Drunken love
by Reshop Heda
Summary: My first clexa fic! Clarke gets drunk after the events of Hakeldama. Lexa finds her and after an eventful journey to her room, emotions are spilled and confessions are made. A lot of angst and comfort. This summary is so terrible but the fic is a lot better.
**My first Clexa fic!**

 **I am a firm Clexa shipper and I am seriously disheartened and annoyed by the recent events that I am not even going to talk about any more than I just have.**

 **Hope you all enjoy it.**

* * *

Lexa walked to her room after dinner. Clarke had returned from her journey to Arkadia to talk to her people and had eaten dinner with the commander and a few other ambassadors.

For the last couple of dinners that they had eaten together, Lexa had watched as Clarke drunk a lot more alcohol than was really sensible. Lexa had allowed this, knowing that the blonde was still troubled and in a lot of emotional pain.

Tonight was different though, not only had Clarke ingested more alcohol than she should have, Lexa had seen her slip a bottle of wine under her cloak before she left the dining room.

The commander had followed the blonde to make sure she was safe and had sighed in relief when the woman entered her room instead of doing anything stupid.

Lexa stood on her balcony looking out over the beautiful city. Her thoughts were disrupted when she heard arguing coming from the ground in front of her tower. She looked down to see a familiar blonde being hassled by two guards.

The brunette quickly pulled on a red cloak then left her room and headed to the bottom of the tower.

* * *

Lexa ran out of the tower and over to the guards and Clarke. There was a bottle of wine sitting on the floor. Her guards were attempting to pull the intoxicated blonde to her feet.

"Em pleni" Lexa called out to them as she approached them

The men spun around and released their hold on Clarke. The blonde fell back onto the floor and laid her head back against the wall of the tower.

"Lexa!" She cried, drunkenly cheerful. "Lexa's here!"

"I'll deal with this" The commander said "Leave us"

"Sha heda" both guards dipped their head then walked away.

"Sup Heda" the blonde slurred as she grabbed the bottle of wine from the ground

Lexa's brow furrowed at the word that she did not recognise.

"You are drunk Clarke" she stated the obvious

Clarke snorted and raised the bottle of wine to her lips and gulped down another few sips. Her arm fell to the side and the bottle went with it.

Lexa could see that Clarke was visibly shaking from the cold. The woman's teeth were chattering and all she was wearing was a thin shirt and some pants.

Lexa pulled off her cloak and bent down beside Clarke. She wrapped her cloak around the shivering blonde's shoulders, clicking the clasp together over the woman's chest.

Clarke smiled widely and looked up at Lexa "Thanks Lex" she grinned.

Lexa smiled slightly at the drunken nickname as she rose to stand again

"Want to join me?" The blonde offered as she once again pressed the bottle to her lips

"You have had enough Clarke" Lexa told her as she bent over and pulled the bottle from Clarke's hand

The blonde frowned "Hey!"

"You've had enough" the brunette stated again

"I was just getting started" she replied as she pushed herself to her feet. She swayed unsteadily and leant a hand against the wall of the tower to keep herself upright. Even in her intoxicated state, Clarke looked amazing with Lexa's red cloak draped from her shoulders, gently swaying in the breeze.

The blonde slowly and sluggishly stepped forwards and reached out to grab the bottle from Lexa's hand.

The brunette took a step back, keeping the wine out of Clarke's grasp, and the blonde tripped and stumbled forwards. The commander reacted quickly and caught Clarke before she could hit the floor, the bottle of wine crashing to the ground and smashing in the process.

"Aah" Clarke whined as she watched the wine spill all over the ground. She was pressed against Lexa's chest with the commander's arm wrapped around her waist.

"I shall take you back to your room now Clarke" Lexa said as she began to basically drag the blonde into the tower. The blonde stayed pressed against the brunette's chest, making it hard for the both of them to walk, but Lexa could tell how exhausted Clarke was from the way she allowed most of her weight to fall against her.

So the two of them walked, with Clarke's feet dragging as Lexa kept her arms wrapped firmly around her and led her into the tower.

Just before they stepped foot in the entrance to the tower, Clarke pulled away from Lexa and spun around. Lexa reacted too slowly and the blonde fell to her knees and emptied her stomach of its contents.

The commander crouched down beside her and gently pulled Clarke's hair back as she retched and heaved.

Clarke panted to catch her breath once she was done heaving. Lexa rubbed a soothing hand over her back and waited patiently for the woman to get her breath back.

The blonde wiped her sleeve across her mouth and began to attempt to push herself to her feet. Lexa, seeing that Clarke was struggling, stuck her hand out to help the woman.

The blonde grunted and took Lexa's hand. The commander pulled her to her feet and Clarke fell against her chest. The brunette wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist again and steadied the woman.

As they shuffled into the tower, Clarke's knees buckled and her legs gave out. Lexa just managed to catch her and hoisted the woman up into her arms. She looked down at Clarke's face and saw that the woman had passed out.

Her lips tugged themselves up into a small smile as she looked down at Clarke's peaceful expression. She walked the two of them through the tower and into the elevator. She felt it begin to lift and wondered how hard the men who manned the elevator had to work.

* * *

The doors opened and Lexa walk down the corridor and used her foot to nudge her door open. She walked over to her bed and gently laid Clarke down on it. Lexa carefully pulled Clarke's boots off her feet and placed them on the floor. She then gently removed her cloak from the woman and walked over to her closet to get Clarke a clean shirt, since she had vomit all over her current one.

When she returned to her bed Clarke was sitting up, blue eyes peered up into her own and Lexa saw tears forming in them.

"Clarke?" She questioned "It's okay. You are safe here, I swear."

Lexa watched as Clarke's gaze fell from Lexa's eyes and down into her lap. The commander's heart broke as small sobs began to escape the woman's throat.

"Clarke?" She sat down beside Clarke and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. The blonde leaned into the brunette's hold and her sobs became louder

"It's my fault Lexa. It's all my fault" the blonde sobbed and slurred slightly.

"What is Clarke?" Lexa asked gently

"Everything" Clarke cried "Everything goes wrong when I'm involved. I killed everyone in the mountain, I killed Finn, and Atom. Wells is dead too. Even your warriors. I killed 300 of your men." The blonde waved her arms around wildly

"Clarke-" the brunette began, only to be cut off

"How can you look at me? How do you not hate me? I'm a monster"

Lexa's heart broke at the statement "No Clarke, that is far from true. Everything you have done, you did for the good of your people." The brunette took Clarke's hands in her own and looked her in those gorgeous blue eyes "You are a good person Clarke kom Skikru. Not a monster"

Clarke shook her head and denied Lexa's comforting words. Lexa looked down at Clarke's hands and frowned when she caught a glimpse of reddened and rough skin on her wrists. She pulled up Clarke's shirt slightly and inspected the red marks that looked suspiciously like bindings to Lexa.

"Clarke, what is-"

Clarke continued to sob "He-he said people die when I'm in charge. He-he was-he was right."

Lexa frowned once more "Who Clarke?

"B-Bellamy. He's right. I get people killed Lexa"

Lexa grit her teeth as the pieces clicked into place and she realised what the marks on Clarke's wrists were from. She sighed and tried to push back her anger at the sky boy for harming the blonde, emotionally and physically

"He is wrong Clarke, very wrong. You saved all of your people in the mountain, even after I…" Lexa trailed off and swallowed the lump in her throat "even after I left you"

"Yeah, and I killed all those innocent people to do it" the blonde countered

The commander sighed "Sometimes we have to make hard choices, for our people Clarke. We do what we have to do to keep them safe."

"I forgive you" Clarke uttered the words so quietly that Lexa almost missed them

The commander just stared at her

"I understand why you did it. I would've done the same thing. You deserve forgiveness Lexa."

' _She is wrong'_ Lexa thought ' _I do not deserve anything like forgiveness. All the blood on my hands. All the things I've done'_

"You aren't the one who irradiated an entire mountain. You're not the one who killed all those innocent people and-and-and ch-children. You didn't kill all those children" Clarke said as tears continued to leak from her eyes

"You did what you had to do Clarke. Had there been another way, you would've found it" Lexa told her

Clarke just continued to sob and buried her head in Lexa's shoulder. Lexa placed a firm and reassuring hand on the back of Clarke's head and rubbed her back with her other

"Shh shh. It's okay Clarke" she whispered soothingly "I will take care of you, I promise"

The words elicited a louder sob from Clarke as the gentle assurances washed over her.

"I love you Clarke" the voice was so quiet. Clarke nearly missed it over her sobs.

The sobs stopped abruptly and she froze in Lexa's arms.

 _I don't deserve her love. Or do I? She's here, and she's taking care of me… and she loves me. Do I love her back?_

Clarke pulled her head out of Lexa's shoulder and looked the woman in the eyes. Deep blue eyes met hesitant and worrisome green ones that quickly moved away, trying to avoid her gaze.

Lexa looked like she regretted her admission. She was fearful of Clarke's rejection. She loved this woman more than anyone could ever love anyone and she couldn't live without her. She should never have admitted her love. Love is weakness.

"Clarke, just-just-forget it- I-"

"I love you too" Clarke admitted

Lexa's eyes snapped back to gaze into Clarke's and relief crashed through her.

"I love you Lexa" Clarke stated more confidently

A small smile tugged at Lexa's lips and her eyes seemed to glisten in the dimly lit room. "I love you Clarke kom skikru"

Clarke leant forwards and her lips crashed into Lexa's. The blonde's hands snaked up and tangled into Lexa's braids. The brunette's hands rose and cupped Clarke's cheeks. Her tongue slid along Clarke's lip and against her teeth, requesting permission to deepen the kiss. Clarke's teeth parted and Lexa's tongue slipped in and danced over Clarke's. The blonde moaned at the feeling and gripped Lexa's hair with her hands.

They both pulled back for air and Lexa saw the tears falling from Clarke's eyes. She was suddenly aware of them falling from her own.

Lexa leant in again and Clarke met her halfway. Their lips met again and Clarke's hands wrapped around Lexa's neck and her arms rested on the woman's shoulders. Lexa's hands once again found Clarke's cheeks and she held her tight.

Clarke moaned and quickly pulled away "Lexa" she groaned, her face instantly being drained of all colour.

Lexa looked at with concern all over her face. "Clarke, what is-"

Clarke shot to her feet and leapt off the bed. She sprinted into Lexa's bathroom and Lexa heard the sounds of retching and heaving.

The commander quickly got to her feet and followed the blonde.

Clarke was bent over the toilet dry heaving and panting. Lexa bent down behind her and once again pulled her hair back.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm here" she whispered soothingly as she rubbed Clarke's back.

When Clarke finished, she sat back on her haunches and leant back against Lexa's strong chest. The brunette wrapped her arms around Clarke's stomach and pulled her into her lap. Clarke sighed in content and rested her hands on Lexa's thighs.

"Thank you" the blonde muttered

"Of course Clarke" Lexa nodded "I would do anything for you Clarke"

A small smile broke out on Clarke's face at how casually Lexa said it and she knew the brunette meant it.

"ai hod yu in Leksa" the blonde smiled

Lexa smiled from behind Clarke "And I love you Clarke"

Clarke felt her eyes begin to droop closed as exhaustion began to take over. She yawned and allowed her eyes to close, knowing that she was safe in the arms that currently held her. Knowing that nothing would happen to her with Lexa watching over her.

Lexa looked down as she heard and felt Clarke's breathing begin to slow and even out. She craned her head to see the blonde's face and smiled as she saw that she was asleep.

Lexa turned Clarke so that she was sideways, and pulled her into her arms. She stood up and Clarke murmured in her sleep and rested her head against Lexa's chest.

Lexa walked over to the bed and gently laid Clarke down. She knew she should've woke Clarke to change her shirt but she just couldn't bring herself to rouse the other woman when she looked so peaceful.

So Lexa pulled the furs up around Clarke then took off her boots and carefully slipped under the covers and laid beside the woman. She laid an arm over the blonde's waist and pulled her into her. Clarke murmured something and burrowed closer to Lexa, her head moving to rest against the commander's shoulder. With both of them laying on their side, their legs tangled together and Lexa sighed in content at the closeness of their bodies.

"Sleep well, ai skai prisa" Lexa said as she pressed a gentle kiss to Clarke's temple.

She only hoped that Clarke would remember all this in morning.

* * *

Hope you liked it


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